dinner for one

I’ve been feeling lonely in a strange way lately, strange in the sense that I haven’t really been alone. I recently began working at my first full-time job, which pays less than I hoped it would, but is still not bad at all. However, I work in a cubicle with encompassing walls in the corner near the door, so I constantly hear people coming and going but rarely do I see their faces. I couldn’t ask for anything more of my workmates though, as they are few but fun, candid and friendly. Tonight was the first time I stayed over-time at the office, and I came home late after doing some last minute grocery shopping. Dad had waited until I got home, and opened the front door for me as soon as I had parked my car. But he went upstairs to sleep as soon as I had sat down, and I was alone in the dining room with my dinner. It was tilapia and rice, long turned cold.

 

push

Today, I’m halfway through Kusamakura by Natsume Sōseki. I only realized a few days ago that January was quickly coming to an end, and that I had only read two books for this month (the first being George Orwell’s 1984, and the second being Albert Camus’ The Stranger).  Given that the first goal that I listed in my goals for 2012 is to read at least three books a month, I realized that I only had less than a week to make sure I don’t fail one of my resolutions on the first month of the new year. Luckily for me, Kusamakura is proving to be much easier and lighter to read than 1984, as the latter took me about more than two weeks to finish.

I also finally, finally actually wrote the first part of a story I’ve been thinking of for a long time. After letting Pepito read it, we discussed the idea I had and how I could go about it, but we both agreed that the only real way to flesh out the story would be to write it and see where it goes. It’s exciting; the last time I wrote something (or at least recognized something I wrote as something really written) was way back when I was still writing for RF Online. And that’s at least four years ago.

It feels good, to feel that I’m actually doing something, accomplishing something. I’m still worrying about a lot of things though, such as my pending job applications, my dwindling funds and my sanity in the next few months, but all I can do is stick to my guns, put myself out there and keep on pushing myself.

Traveler

Traveler
by Heather Sommer

Your first time out of the country
of your own skin, I didn’t bring a map.

You always hated that I’d been lucky
enough to pick my way through streets

I couldn’t pronounce to find cathedrals,
graveyards. If you were a city, you said,

I’d only like to know your suburbs.

If you were a city, I said, I’d like to know
your poor neighborhoods, your inner parts.

Read your graffiti. Drink your tap water.
Feel your smog and dirt stick to my sweat.

Hear your orchestra of sirens and gunshots.
I’d know which of your streets to walk.

If you were a city, I’d expect to be robbed.

a place for our words

Pepito and I bought a domain.

I’m excited, and feeling sentimental; it’s our shared space.

sweets and afters : oreo madness

New post on my food blog about T.G.I. Fridays’ Oreo Madness.

all year long

Despite the current threat of family imposed deportation once again, I’m feeling a bit calm. I suppose this is because there is still hope, but also because I feel that maybe I do need to let go a little. My mom was right when she told me that I’m the type of person who places value not so much in monetary or material things (though I am very sentimental) but rather  in the relationships I have, and tangible experiences. However, I think that it’s this very value that I place on these things that have kept me from growing. Like I’ve said so many times before, I am always afraid, afraid of a lot of things. Afraid of new things, afraid of something different, something away from what I’m comfortable with, separated from people I know and places I know and things that are important to me. In that sense, I’ve kept myself in one place. For nearly a year, I’ve kept myself in more or less the same place. Maybe I do need to be placed elsewhere, elsewhere being elsewhere: maybe abroad, maybe back in school, maybe in a stable job that will keep me away from the house, away from what I’m used to, away from what I’ve been holding on to so dearly and force me to move from where I’ve been standing.

2012

Goals:

- read at least three books a month. More is better.
- either finalize post-grad studies plan or find a stable job.
- be as financially independent as possible.
- create something once a month or more.
- blog at least thrice a month.
- learn something new, such as a language or a skill.

Reddle

I love this new layout!

One of the reasons why I stopped blogging was because I couldn’t find a nice layout replacement. True story. Obviously, I am extremely shallow.

absence

I know I haven’t written in ages, but maybe I should do some reading, for once.

quandary

“I was somewhere else. I thought I was someplace but now I didn’t know what place. I seemed to be inside foreign worlds where there was some kind of troubling camaraderie — as if a haunting joke was known to everyone but me and yet faintly I knew it too.”

—— David Lynch